The Difference a Response Makes

It may be hard to believe but, three seconds can be enough time to turn a confrontation into a conversation! The concept of turning a reaction to a response is an essential skill set and mindset to conversational success.

To quote Abraham Hicks, "Even in your rightness about a subject, when you try to push your rightness toward another who disagrees, no matter how right you are, it causes more pushing against. In other words, it isn't until you stop pushing that any real allowing of what you want can take place."

Essentially, the more you push your opinions and your positions on others, the more they push back. This creates a sense of resistance or even power struggle in a conversation, and can quickly turn it from conversational to confrontational.

There are a few approaches you can use to master the art of turning reactions to responses:

· Breathe! Often just stopping to take a few deep breaths is all it will take to refocus a conversation and calm tensions.

· Manage the chatter and internal dialogue racing through your mind. The thoughts shape your words and your outcomes. Replace the negative thoughts with neutral or positive ones.

· Ask questions- it is hard to be judgemental when you are being curious. It can also help you to understand better where the other person is coming from.

· Listen to the other person's perspective and ask yourself "what is he/she really saying?" Listen for common ground. Again, asking questions can help in this process.

· Breathe some more!

As long as you are reacting, which comes from your emotions, the likelihood of having to do a mulligan (a do over) is quite high. This is because when you react, you are more likely to say, do or think things that you don't mean. Responding is a more thought out and less emotionally charged way of addressing a difficult situation. When you recognize that you are reacting instead of responding, stop and take 3 deep breaths. This process should help calm you and your emotions. Hopefully, the other person is also affected in a positive way by this break in the conversation and begins to respond instead of react as well. The next time you are in an emotional conversation, try turning your reactions into a response and see the impact it has on you and the other person. There is a high likelihood that you won't regret taking those few breaths and redirecting the energy of the conversation.